This girl is me
#InternationalDayOfTheGirl
This little girl is me.
She was born in 1988, in Bury. The last of four girls, the baby, a theme that runs strong even today.
Most people know that her upbringing was unconventional, with parents in the pub and older sisters on hand to look after each other. She's extremely close to her sister's but that shouldn't have been how they spent their teenage years - looking back this is when she started to become paranoid about little things.
She started school after her nursery friends, being born in June, and felt like she didn't make friends easily. Everyone else had friendships established, and she was an outsider. She didn't have a name for it back then, but anxiety and paranoia certainly spring to mind now.
School continued in this vein, always on the fringes, trying to throw herself into the middle. She never quite felt like she belonged, it doesn't help that she lived miles from our school, so couldn't play out and form those bonds that many of her friends did.
Then her life changed.
At the point of this photo, she was about to become an auntie for the first time and she was definitely not happy about it. Her two oldest nephews were born when she was 9.
Wow, that was tough. She was no longer the baby, there were two new kids in town. Being boys in a sea of girls meant they were just about cute enough to get away with it!
Having sisters who needed to work all hours meant babysitting duties were passed on from sister to sister. Her anxiety rocketed as mental health issues rose within the family, she never knew what would happen. She loved it though, and her anxiety at not being like other teenagers gave way to caring for her family.
High school was great, although the issues in her mind were never far away. She had some fantastic friends, but there was always a nagging doubt that they weren’t really her friend. Always anxiously waiting for them outside McDonald’s in Bury, hoping they'd come round the corner - they always did and she was never left out.
Getting to college was neither easy nor difficult. She had spent numerous months living with her sister due to issues with her parents but she should and could have studied harder, and done the courses she really wanted to but it wasn't to be.
After two years, she met someone. A rugby romance feted by all who knew the lucky couple, but all was not well.
The death of her dad shook her, she is still a huge Daddy’s girl and took his death to heart. Another life-changing moment made her think about her life, her family, and her friends. Unfortunately, fate wasn’t done with the shitty cards just yet.
8 years later, she's divorced, broken and thinking she's alone. She was never alone. Her family and friends rallied around her, made her feel loved and special again.
She met someone else who has been her rock throughout the past 8 years. He supported her through getting into uni, running a marathon (although he does hate the training), and they have created their own family.
Her paranoia, anxiety and depression hit her like a freight train after having their son. She had to have medication, therapy, and she's still a work on progress, there are easier days and harder days.
Lastly, she embarked on a career change. After hating her job for years, she managed to get the courage to leave her job, and industry, for good (well apart from a month's temping) and her business setup is beginning to grow. Imposter syndrome and feeling like a failure never go away, but she's getting there. One step at a time.
She is me, I am her and I am immensely proud of that little paranoid, anxious girl who has grown into a woman who will always bounce back.
#anxiety #paranoia #IntrovertedExtrovert #InternationalDayOfTheGirl